she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
