How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
