In the future we'll all be gay
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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