omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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