I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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