the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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