im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
