RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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