Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
