I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
