Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
