I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
