sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
