Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
