I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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