Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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