New low: just hacked my moms facebook
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
