SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
