atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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