i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
