Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Barsexuality is the new black.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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