I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize