onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Too much gin, very little bucket
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
