the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
