i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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