I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
