Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
