Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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