Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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