I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
