Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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