Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
