Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
