Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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