When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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