So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I supernannyed him into submission
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
