I hate all girls vehemently.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
