We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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