Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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