I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
