hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So much rum. So many feels.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
