Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
