Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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