Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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