so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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