Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
