I have demons in me.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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