Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
