Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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