my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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