i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
